Onward and upward...over the sea to Mali

Wow! I can't believe it's tomorrow!! All of these days, weeks, months, and years of hoping, dreaming, planning, worrying and wondering are all finally culminating into an adventure of a lifetime that begins tomorrow!! I can't believe it.

Lots of butterflies in our stomachs, problems sleeping, strange dreams, racing thoughts, worries, doubts, excitement, panic, sheer joy, happy tears, and more wondering what lies ahead have filled our days lately. I just want to be able to get on the plane already! Since about 4 days ago, I have only wanted to be able to go to bed and wake up to July 1st and Shawn just keeps saying some variation of "I just want to get my hands on our little monkey" for days now as well. It's been so hard to be patient and deal with all of the mundane little odds and ends that go into everyday life while anticipating something this big. But, we made it….our time has finally arrived.

Here is a photo of our "golden ticket"


And here is a photo of the nursery (calm before the storm), no longer considered "Operation China ~ Central Packing Station" :)


So signing off for now...the next time we set foot on American soil, there will be 6 feet where there were 4, and a family where there was just a couple :)

First Father's Day

A good day. Shawn got up and got to go out and golf with his friends this morning. Then he met me and my dad and the family at Olive Garden for lunch. It was really nice to be there with everyone together. Every card Shawn got for Father's Day brought tears to his eyes and made him choke up, even having to excuse himself to the bathroom at one point. It was so adorable. He also told me that when he was out on the golf course, he kept getting texts from people wishing him a Happy Father's Day, one in particular from his cousin Kelsea who said she couldn't wait to meet us at the airport and see Mali brought more tears to his eyes. He/we have been waiting for this for so long...it's hard to believe the time has nearly come. 10 more days until we leave for China...and 15 more days until she's in our arms.

Happy Father's Day hon...I love how openly you can express your emotions, I wouldn't have it any other way!

We're Skyping!

Just finished setting up the last of the family that we will be keeping in contact with while in China. I have never used Skype before, but it has got to be one of the coolest inventions EVER!! Maybe I'm behind the times, I usually am when it comes to technology, but I am having so much fun playing with this thing!! And I think our parents all are too...it's funny to see what some people do when a web-cam is placed in front of them! Everyone reverts back to the playfulness of a 5 year old - it's been hilarious!

Anyway, if anyone is on Skype already and wants to add us as a contact, you will need to search for carolgarrabrant.laptop and add my mom as a contact as she will be our personal IT guru (and luggage/paperwork wrangler, basic sanity maintainer, seasoned veteran parent, emotional support for new parents of a toddler, etc, etc :) while in China. I just hope that the Great Firewall of China (e.g. all of the government restrictions placed on internet use) will allow us to access this blog, as well as our personal email accounts through yahoo, and Skype while we're there. Fingers crossed!

But wait...YES!!!

Wait, is this real? Is it happening? No turning back now!

Had a melt down on Sunday night, knowing that that was actually Monday morning in China and that we were supposed to have met our little girl for the first time that day. Shawn and I both got so upset and frustrated, not hearing anything yet from China and then reading about how the mayor of New Orleans just got quarantined upon landing in China and fearing that all of this quarantining was going to lead to indefinite delays in our travel, then thinking of all the worst possible scenarios and worrying about when, or worse yet if, we would get over to meet Mali. So, not knowing what else to do, Shawn texted Kim at our agency (a bunch of times) to try to get some peace of mind. But not hearing anything back, we didn't understand what was going on and so got ourselves a little more worked up...it was that sick, suffocating feeling of helplessness again. But little did we know...

Kim and Zhou were feverishly working their asses off all weekend to finagle some way to get us to our little girl...and lo and behold - they frickin did! Shawn got a call yesterday morning at 8:30am -> Kim saying, "Pack your bags!" That's right, they did it, we finally got provincial approval to come in on July 1st! Yeehaw!!

And today, we got the more official version of this wonderful news, and actually booked our flights through EAC's travel agent in OKC. There's just something about actually booking travel that makes it all seem final...no turning back now (not like we ever would, but you know what I'm sayin'!)

This is still a little scary though because we were told that not only will they check our temperatures and symptoms for swine flu upon landing in Beijing, but also when we travel from Beijing to Guangzhou...anything over 98.8 and you could/most likely will be quarantined. Lots of tylenol, ibuprofen, and ice packs on our wrists and neck before landing for us! But regardless of whether or not we get quarantined, at least we'll be there, that much closer to our baby girl. And it will all make for a better story in the end, right?

Ok, I just need to sigh...*ahhhhhhh*, what a relief to have approval and be locked into a flight. Thank God! Now on to fret over all the packing and loose ends to tie up (once again) before we actually leave...it never ends, does it? Of course, to answer my own question ~ I have this strange feeling that this is only the tip of the iceberg...the very beginning of the best adventure of our lives :)

Here's a sneak peak at our itinerary (all except for our in-country flights from Beijing to Guangzhou) as it is now...however it could all change should we get quarantined at any point during our journey. Keep all of your fingers and toes crossed for safe and quarantine-free travels for us!
__________________________________________________________________________________

Flight - United Airlines Inc Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Flight Number: UA0331 Confirmation Number: T0KT2O
Class: COACH
Depart: Columbus Port Columbus Int'l Arpt 08:00 AM
Columbus, OH USA Wednesday, July 1


Arrive: Chicago O'Hare Int'l Arpt 08:13 AM
Chicago, IL USA Wednesday, July 1
Terminal 1
Seat: Not Assigned Stopovers: 0
Meal: None Mileage: 286
Aircraft: Airbus A319 Travel Time: 1:13


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Flight - United Airlines Inc Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Flight Number: A0851 Confirmation Number: T0KT2O
Class: COACH
Depart: Chicago O'Hare Int'l Arpt 12:41 PM
Chicago, IL USA Wednesday, July 1
Terminal 1


Arrive: Beijing Capital Arpt 03:15 PM
Beijing CN Thursday, July 2
Terminal 3
Seat: Not Assigned Stopovers: 0
Meal: Lunch Mileage: 6572
Aircraft: Boeing 777-200/300 Travel Time: 13:34


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Flight - China Eastern Airlines Thursday, July 16, 2009


Flight Number: MU5316 Confirmation Number: EZ01Y
Class: COACH
Depart: Guangzhou Baiyun Arpt 08:05 AM
Guangzhou CN Thursday, July 16


Arrive: Pu Dong Arpt 10:00 AM
Shanghai CN Thursday, July 16
Terminal 1
Seat: Not Assigned Stopovers: 0
Meal: Snack Mileage: 752
Aircraft: Airbus 320-100/200 Travel Time: 1:55


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Flight - United Airlines Inc Thursday, July 16, 2009


Flight Number: UA0836 Confirmation Number: T0KT2O
Class: COACH
Depart: Pu Dong Arpt 03:55 PM
Shanghai CN Thursday, July 16
Terminal 2


Arrive: Chicago O'Hare Int'l Arpt 04:16 PM
Chicago, IL USA Thursday, July 16
Terminal 5
Seat: Not Assigned Stopovers: 0
Meal: Lunch Mileage: 7065
Aircraft: Boeing 747-400 Travel Time: 13:21


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Flight - United Airlines Inc Thursday, July 16, 2009


Flight Number: UA0334 Confirmation Number: T0KT2O
Class: COACH
Depart: Chicago O'Hare Int'l Arpt 07:43 PM
Chicago, IL USA Thursday, July 16
Terminal 1


Arrive: Columbus Port Columbus Int'l Arpt 09:54 PM
Columbus, OH USA Thursday, July 16

Seat: Not Assigned Stopovers: 0
Meal: None Mileage: 286
Aircraft: Airbus A319 Travel Time: 1:11


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Remarks

Sadness

Today was supposed to be the day that we left for China.

I could hardly concentrate on anything all day long. I felt like I was in a straitjacket, suffocating...work just seemed utterly pointless.

It made matters even worse when people who hadn't heard of the delay just happened to pick today to ask when we were going to bring home our little girl. It was like rubbing salt in a fresh wound. It completely sucked. I couldn't figure out if I wanted to scream or cry or do something more drastic.

I'm feeling so helpless and frustrated right now. I just can't wait for this to all be resolved but at the moment I have never felt more a mess or physically farther away from Mali. I don't know what to do with myself.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!!

Hello all! Good, no...GREAT news!
We actually got an update on Mali!

I don't know how he did it, but Zhou worked his amazing magic. In fact, Kim said that this is the most photos EVER in an update for a child at their agency in the China program, which probably means that Mali's caregivers really love our little angel...which also means I'm really glad to know she's in such good hands there and we can try to rest easy knowing that she will be truly cherished until we can bring her home and begin to shower her with all of our love and kisses that we've been saving here :)

As for the update -> along with her pictures (which I'll post some highlights below, however there are 17 total so I put them, in their entirety, on Facebook if you want to see EVERY single one), they sent more measurements which show that she seems to be a bit petite for her age. Of course we're not quite sure when the measurements were taken, so she could actually be a bit bigger now. I guess we'll see for ourselves soon enough! :)

height 28.3"
foot length 4.5"
weight 17.6 lbs
head circumference 17.3"
chest circumference 18.5"


And now, the moment you've been waiting for...drumroll please.................
IT'S MALIANA! (in all her glory!! :)



















And finally, the amazing crew that is making this all possible... (left to right) - Zhou, Chris, and Kim from EAC! The best adoption team/dream-come-true makers in the world!

Ha ~ had to laugh...

I had to post this little note because I thought it was funny.

First, yesterday I was really dreading telling my parents about the delay in our trip because of how excited they are and just not wanting to disappoint them. But I am pleased to say they both handled it really well.

However, I had to laugh at my dad's reaction. First thing he said when he called was, "Well, don't worry, the doctors get this stuff wrong all the time", and then he just stopped saying anything else. I was initially so confused about what he meant and was like, "What? What are you talking about?". Then as he explained more, he said that I "must just not be as far along in my "pregnancy" as they had initially thought. She's just not ready to be born to you guys yet". I had to laugh at that. I really appreciated that perspective on the situation :) I guess it really is like a real pregnancy now...we were just in false labor, our version of Braxton Hicks! LOL

Thanks Dad!! 1-4-3

Another hump...

11:28am
And so it begins again. Just got word that we are no longer leaving on June 4th as expected, but rather closer to July 2nd. I am so sad, distraught, and feeling helplessly frustrated. The clock just keeps ticking and no baby. I want to meet Mali so badly, I am beside myself with grief at being so far away.

We are driving to Cleveland this afternoon to take some gifts up to the girls at the adoption agency, and also pick up some paperwork that will be needed for China. I'll try to update this later with more information on the details of what is going on. As far as we know right now, China has been quarantining people due to the "swine flu" (which is complete crap and has been blown ridiculously out of proportion by the media) and they are not letting many people into the country at all right now. In fact, the five families that went over there a couple weeks ago have been stuck in their hotel rooms for the last 10 days, and they don't even have their babies yet! How disheartening! I mean...getting all the way there, and not being able to be with your new child. Then having to fork over all that money to sit and do nothing in a hotel room. I guess I should be thankful we're not them and that the agency is trying to look out for us. It's just so maddening sometimes.

Will post more later, once back from Cleveland.


8:50pm
Ok, we're home again. Those girls up there are so great! We got to meet Uncle Zhou finally too and you can just tell he is one in a million.

It is bittersweet though. On the one hand we have every confidence that the staff at EAC is doing all they can to bring Mali home (in fact, after talking to Kim and Chris in the China Dept, I think they want this almost as much as we do), but at the moment, we are at the mercy of the Chinese government and there's not much more we can do for now. We are all just going to be crossing our fingers, focusing as best we can on positive thoughts, and hoping like crazy for a miracle. It could be worse I suppose.

We'll try to keep everyone posted as to what happens, but in the meantime we are going to be focusing on babyproofing, buying more cute clothes and supplies, cleaning out the house and making more space for Mali, and trying to enjoy all of this time, just the two of us, before our whole world is flipped upside down :)

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone - I hope you can enjoy some time off work with family and friends!

P.S. Uncle Zhou said that he would try to get an update for us (e.g. more pictures and information about Mali). I really really hope he can pull some strings at least with this...it could help satisfy some of our curiosity and ease the tension during this additional wait for our little angel.

Roses and Rainbows

I love my birthday every year for a lot of reasons, but one in particular has to do with something my mom does for me. Each year Mom sends me flowers, and in the middle of the mixed bouquet is a single red rose. The story behind the single red rose goes like this…

I was born on September 30th, right around the time in Ohio when the first frost is about to hit. When my mom went into the hospital in labor, the sun was still warm and no frost yet. However, when she came home, the first frost had arrived and killed all of the flowers that were still left from summer. All except for one perfect red rose on a bush by our house. So, in that tradition, every year my mom sends me those flowers with the one single perfect red rose to symbolize that for me. I love that story.

So, now you’re wondering, where does the rainbow come into play here?? Well, the same exact day (February 11th) that we got our first approval, the pre-approval, from the Chinese government…the first time we could take one deep sigh of relief…was the same day here in Columbus that a double rainbow graced our skies. It was so beautiful and such a big deal that even some of the news on the radio was mentioning it as they talked about the traffic on my drive home from work. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get home and get the camera out quick enough to capture it, however I was talking to my mom last weekend and saw that she had a picture of it in her phone, so I asked that she send it to me to include in this blog.

I’m so glad to have this photo and be able to pass this story on to Mali. I know that my single red rose story has meant a lot to me, has made me feel special over the years…and I hope we can use rainbows as one way to symbolize our love for Mali over the years as well. I have always loved and felt a strong connection to nature…seeing its beauty everywhere. I hope to pass this appreciation on to Mali and I also hope that whenever she is lucky enough to see a rainbow in the sky…she’ll be reminded of how special she is and how much she is loved.

So cute...feelin' like a parent now :)

Just a quick note. Shawn called Children's Hospital today to make an appointment for Mali in their International Adoption Clinic to get her full assessment once she's home. The appointment is set for 9am on 6/26/09 in their Westerville office (which is great because it is so close to us). They told us to bring snacks and toys as it is typically a two hour long assessment. It's kind of weird to think of something as simple as that suggestion. When you don't have or aren't super familiar with the every day stuff with kids...a statement like that sheds a whole new light on how we are going to have to think with Mali around. Much more planning and preparation before going anywhere...our whole life will change.

So, I also have to share that Shawn was really cute today. He called me at work to tell me that he made the appointment and it felt good because he got to do his first official "daddy" thing for his daughter. Also, as we were going through her clothes tonight, (clipping off tags, deciding what to pack, washing everything), he mentioned out of the blue that he really wants to learn how to do her hair. And a while back I saw that there's actually a class that he and Mali can take through Westerville Parks and Rec that teaches daddy's just this talent. I can picture it now - he's going to be so good at this!! :)

1st Mother's Day

So...first let me say Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there. I hope you are relaxing and getting the most out of YOUR day.

I also wanted to share that I think I got the BEST Mother's Day present ever! It actually came on Friday, when Shawn came home from work. He walked in the door and handed me a card "from Mali". It was a Mother's Day card and in it was our travel approval for China - we are officially leaving on June 4th!! Can you believe it?? He got a call at work from Kim at EAC and she was so excited to give him the news and suggest how he could give the news to me :)

I want to thank all of our family and friends for their cards, gifts, and well wishes on my first Mother's Day...it means a lot that other people can see me as a mom as it helps to affirm how I already feel in my heart. Here are two of my favorites...

Gift from Dad, Lisa, and Blaize

A Willow Tree sculpture of our new family
(I love Willow Tree...)

Gift from Mom

Front of the locket (a picture of my baby girl)

Back of the locket (inscribed "Mom")
(I don't think I'll ever take this off...)

So now, we finally have a date on when our physical journey will begin. We are both so excited! As we let this news sink in, we also started doing the math and realized that we will be able to celebrate Shawn's first Father's Day just days after we get home as a family. This will be truly special for Shawn to be able to wake up to hugs and kisses from his little angel on HIS special day. It doesn't get more perfect than this! Life is good.

The Shower

We had our shower on April 18th. It was beautiful. So many people worked really hard to make it unique and special. Big thank you's go out to my Mom and Tara who organized and planned it all. Mom ordered so many decorations and little details to make it very memorable. It was co-ed and had an Asian theme which I think made it really stand out as a different kind of baby shower, fun for everyone. Another thank you goes out to my cousin Kari who made some very wonderful centerpieces and other decorations for the room, she truly has a unique talent for making things beautiful. More big thank you's go out to my sister-in-law Beth and mother-in-law Meg. They were in charge of the food and honestly, I don't know how they did it. Beth completely knocked herself out making all sorts of wonderful Asian inspired dishes that turned out deliciously! I did not expect the lengths I know she went to to put it all together and it really meant a lot. And finally, a multitude of thank you's go out to all of the family and friends that came to share in our joy. You made the day wonderful. I can't thank everyone enough...from the bottom of our hearts, you are all the best!

At the actual shower, the love and excitement in the room was palpable. Everyone was so sweet and appeared genuinely thrilled to be a part of this journey with us. It meant a lot to see everyone together. I especially appreciated seeing the emotion on other people's faces...it truly felt like they were sharing the experience with us. We had some various shower games, tweaked a bit for the adoption of course -> ('dirty diaper musical chairs' and 'pin the orphanage on China', to name a couple :). Shawn and I had also requested that people leave note cards with their own unique family traditions on them to help give us ideas for starting our own. We also set up a video camera with a poster on it with Mali's pictures, asking people to record a message to Maliana for when she comes home. It was so touching to see what people had to say to her. I know she will treasure this video as she gets older.

It has been a while since the shower, and I'm sorry it has taken so long to post this. I wanted to first say all of my thank you's as noted above, but I would be remiss if I didn't address my own personal feelings too and I'm hoping this comes across the right way. It's funny...while at the same time as I truly and deeply appreciate the baby shower...I also feel this nagging impatience and irritation. Impatience because I feel like we have been waiting so long and preparing so much for Maliana to come home...that I just want to get it over with already!! I mean, I enjoyed the shower immensely...it's just I would have rather been in China instead. I hope that doesn't sound too ungrateful...I'm just so done with planning and waiting and hoping. In a weird way, the shower also made me feel sad because Mali is still not here with us yet. Everything has been harder since getting her referral and photos because I am not personally sharing experiences (big and small) with her. A little piece of me will always feel incomplete until she comes home, I think. So while the shower was above and beyond any of my wildest expectations...it still felt hollow in some ways because Mali was missing. Here is the difference that I have come up with...when someone is pregnant, their baby is there with them, it's tangible in their belly and they can listen to its heartbeat or feel it kick, even talk or sing to it if they want. With Maliana...she is literally half a world away, without any way to tangibly communicate or feel close to her, and so much of the journey is still ahead. I wish I didn't feel so sappy or perhaps sound so whiny...but blogs are about honesty, right? I hope you all can understand what I am trying to say.

Anyway, I'd like to end this post on a good note so please check out some of the photo highlights from the shower...I hope you enjoy :)




Just a note about the fortune cookies...they actually had baby shower sayings in them like "Your walls will soon be decorated with green beans and applesauce" or "A diaper is a gift you can open several times a day" - very cute!




This was one of the shower favors for the kids...a little Asian doll with a candy pop tucked into it - yes, the parents loved us for providing even more sugar to their kids :)
We also had little "red thread" bracelets with mini jade animals for the girls but I didn't get pictures of these. They were really cute and represented the Chinese proverb of "An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle but will never break."


Petits fours that had the Chinese symbol for "love" on each one. Tara made sure that Resch's bakery knew exactly how to do this - nice touch and very yummy!




Shawn thanking everyone for sharing so much love for us and Mali and the adoption. Yes, tears were shed (don't worry, they were happy tears!)




Ha! This was funny...Shawn opened this gift first and thought they were windshield wipers! He was so grateful for them...didn't even occur to him it made no sense why someone would get these for us at a baby shower! (they are actually window shades for the car :)




Shawn toying with the idea of using Mali's new hippo hooded bath towel as his own personal super hero cape...ummm, I think not :)


And finally, some "audience participation" for the bigger gifts - thanks ladies!


Luis being a good sport and playing "Pin the tail(?) on Guangdong"


The video camera and poster with Mali's pictures on it, asking guests to record a message to Mali for her homecoming...we got about 6 min of messages from some of the braver souls at the shower. We will cherish these always.


Here is the sign with requests for guests to write their special family traditions on notecards...a few people took the time to do this. It was neat to see what they wrote. (we would definitely love to hear more if you want to share them with us! :)


Thank you Grandpa Tim - you are always the consummate "moment capturer"...much much appreciated!


Trio of Grandmas!


No party is complete without a "Maliana Rocks" t-shirt on Grandpa!


Great Grandma Hart! She is so excited to meet you Mali!


Ahhh...all done. We can't thank everyone enough!

Next stop ~ CHINA!!!

Pregnant on Paper ~ Officially Approved by the Chinese Government

Ta Dah!!!

Paperwork came Wednesday, was Fed Ex'ed to us yesterday from our agency, and then we signed it and Fed Ex'ed it right back yesterday afternoon! I should have taken a picture AFTER we had signed and dated it but I was just so anxious to get it back in the mail :)

Anyway, bottom line is ~ We're officially official!!

She's Ours!!!

I will never look at April 15th (Tax Day) the same way again...I was sitting at work this morning when Shawn called. He had just spoken with Kim from EAC who had given us some wonderful news - we got our official Letter of Approval/Acceptance! Which means, Maliana Suirong is officially going to become a Wilkinson!! As I type this, I am shaking and have tears in my eyes...it is all REALLY starting to feel real. It could not have come at a more perfect time either as this Saturday is our baby shower...all of my worrying was for naught because now I can relax and enjoy this gathering of family and friends, confident that MALI WILL BE COMING HOME!!! It truly will feel more like a celebration now!

I'm so excited I can hardly sit still so I will post more later...right now I think I am going to go do some dancing in the streets!!

The crib - finally!

Well, no big updates from China...still in limbo. However, wanted to show everyone that we (actually Shawn) got the crib put together finally. When I got home from work today, Shawn had Mali's bedroom door locked and said I couldn't come in until he was finished. He yelled downstairs a few minutes later and told me to come up and look...here's what he was so busy putting together ->
















Whew...I'm glad it's finally done and I can start visualizing her sleeping in there. Seems a tad more real now. Pretty exciting :)

*gasp* - they called us her "parents" :)

Hello everyone! I'm just trying to find the time to update as things have been pretty crazy around here. So, sorry it's been a while. But here is the latest news :)

After getting home from a weekend away, we got a call from our agency on Monday. "Uncle Zhou" had called the orphanage to check on Mali and was able to get an update. So far, she is doing well and received her care package with no problem. The orphanage also told him that she still has not had her lip repaired yet. They said that they can arrange for her lip surgery, however they wanted to let him know that out of the two plastic surgeons in their province that perform these surgeries for them, the one that would most likely be doing her surgery is the lesser of the two surgeons. Soo...they wanted Zhou to call "Mali's parents" (us!!!) and ask if we wanted to proceed with the repair in China or if we wanted her to wait and have her surgery/ies done after she gets home to the states. First, I was so excited that they called us Mali's parents (isn't that cool?)!! And second, I was very happy that they are allowing us this option of making our first decision for our daughter!! I never expected that from them and feel so fortunate that they thought of our feelings on the matter.

Anyway, once posed with this question, Shawn and I discussed the various angles. We figured that since Mali is eating well, gaining weight, and developing appropriately, there was not much need to hurry up with the surgery (especially if it was with a second rate surgeon), but we wanted to check with the experts first. We sent an email and made some phone calls to Children's Hospital to get their opinion.

In the meantime, we also are having Zhou call the CCAA to try to get the specific status of our dossier so that we know how much longer it will be until our approvals arrive. If possible, we are going to play the "expedite card" and use the letter that the director of Children's Hospital sent along with our referral acceptance to see if they can speed up the process to bring her home sooner. That way we can get everything fixed in one swoop here at Children's. Not sure if they will budge, (it is the very regimented Chinese government), however it never hurts to ask. The worst they can do is say no...so everyone, keep your fingers crossed they say yes! :)

As of right now, we are still waiting on word from Zhou from the CCAA, however Dr's Powell and Wiet at Children's said that Mali's condition does not appear urgent and there would be absolutely no harm in waiting a few more months. They also actually said they would prefer to do all procedures at Children's, to avoid having to potentially correct any surgeries performed in China.

So, today we let EAC (our agency) know that we will postpone her surgery until after we bring her home. Now we just have to wait for the word from Zhou. I am not banking on the CCAA expediting anything, but it sure would be nice, wouldn't it? Worst case, at least we'll know more about how much longer we'll have to wait for final approval. It's a win-win and I'm just so happy to feel movement again!

Shawn and I are actually really excited to meet her when she still has her cleft lip and palate...we've fallen in love with that little face just as it is so it will be amazing and breathtaking to see her in person, with every inch of her just as she was born :)

It's coming...someday soon...for the first time in a long time (maybe ever), I can feel it!

1st Birthday gathering went great!

My mom, dad, Lisa, Meg and Tim (almost all of the grandparents, Rick was unfortunately feeling a bit under the weather), and also uncles Forge and Blaize, were all able to come over last night and have dinner and dessert, then a little bonfire in celebration of Mali's birthday.

We had several different kinds of Chinese food for the main course (egg rolls, sweet and sour chicken, sesame orange chicken, General Tso's chicken, and chicken fried rice...as well as these things called "chicken cakes" that I picked up from the Asian Market this week - which was kind of ironic because these "chicken cakes" had not one bit of chicken in them, but were very good nonetheless). Then for dessert, we tried several different kinds of treats that I also picked up from the Asian Market (mung bean cakes, mochi balls, snow pies, sweet honey cakes, cashew nut and walnut crunch cookies). I have been shopping at a few different stores over the last two weeks and have tried a lot of different stuff. I finally narrowed the list to several food items that I thought everyone might like but I still stuck in a few items that were very unique to Asian culture (and definitely not typical American fare). Overall, I think everyone got a kick out of experimenting with them too. It has been really fun to try new things and understand more about her heritage. I have felt like a "fish out of water" since I don't understand much yet, but it has been a really great experience and I look forward to many more. We put sparklers in these little moon cakes (which are traditionally eaten on occasions such as Chinese New Year), and that was our "birthday cake" this year for Mali.

Also, for a little atmosphere, I had put these things called joss sticks in sand in a big pot on the front porch. They are pretty much like big incense sticks and from what I understand so far, they are typically burned in front of Buddhist temples as a purifying ritual before entering. I thought this would be neat for everyone to experience as they entered. I hope I wasn't offensive by doing this...I'm just trying to learn and try out various things so that I (and Mali's whole American family) can begin to understand more. After dinner at the bonfire, we burned "money" (fake $5000 bills from the Asian Market), as this is also another cultural ritual that is done for ancestors who have passed away. It is used as a symbol to send money with their loved ones in their afterlife. I like this and think it's a beautiful way to remember those who have gone before us.

And of course, we all spent time remembering Mali's birth mother as we sat around the bonfire. Without her, none of this could be possible. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to place Mali in that box and say goodbye to her, hoping that she was doing the right thing for her daughter, because she loved her so much. For myself, I choose to believe that Mali's mom must be a very strong woman to have been able to make this ultimate sacrifice. I will forever be grateful to her for that. I'm sure not a single March 6th will go by when her mother won't look up at the stars and say a prayer that her daughter is healthy, happy, and loved. And I will send a prayer back to her, hoping that she knows that Shawn and I will do our best every day to make sure her prayers are answered.

Now, here are some of the various pictures from last night...I hope you enjoy them as much as we enjoyed making these memories :)

Whew ~ Thank God!

Yea!!! Thank God – our little monkey finally has her package – and just in time for her birthday on Friday!


Status: DELIVERED
Last Scan: 3/2/2009 5:05:00 PM DELIVERED CN
Delivered To: CN
Delivery Date: Monday, March 2, 2009
Delivery Time: 5:05:00 PM
Signed By: HE ZHU HAI
Carrier: UPS
Service: Worldwide Express Saver
UPS Tracking Number: 1Z0451W80432547073

Uggh, I spoke too soon...

Well, we got an email yesterday from UPS...they can't find the address we were given for the orphanage, and also said the phone number is wrong. So Mali's care package is now stuck just sitting somewhere in Guangdong. We contacted the agency and they said they warned us not to use UPS because of problems like this (we obviously didn't remember any warning) and they also said that they are able to use Fed Ex all the time to send packages to Guangdong so don't understand why Fed Ex told us otherwise. I don't know why we were given bad information either but, oh well, nothing we can do about that now. But it is soo frustrating!

Immediately, Shawn and I got on the internet to see if we could find a better address and phone number. After much, much searching, we found some additions for the address we already have (but were told it still isn't complete) and then Shawn ended up calling a woman at another agency who helped us get a new phone number for the orphanage. He sent this number to UPS but we don't yet know if it is good, and won't know until Monday, since UPS is closed for deliveries over the weekend. Luckily, if this doesn't work, Uncle Zhou (the translator and go-to-guy for our agency and who accompanies/helps all families on their trips to bring their children home) is in China now through April and we could possibly have UPS send the package to his hotel and ask him to take it to Mali himself. Hopefully, we'll be able to make this work.

Aside from the logistical problem above, I had a really bad reaction to this news yesterday. I already know I have a tendency to immediately jump to the worst possible scenario, especially with the uncertainties of this adoption. So, I got really angry and then really, really sad. I know my upset was representative of the bigger picture of just feeling so out of control of this situation. All of my fears that this adoption will just fall through at any moment came flooding back into me and I just lost it, once again. If we had not gone through all of the false promises with Vietnam, I wonder if I would feel more confident and trusting of this whole process now? I feel like just when I start to get excited and make concrete plans, we get more bad news and disappointment. I'm terrified to begin putting together her crib or finish up her room. It's been sitting half done for the longest time. I'm still so afraid of growing closer and closer to Mali, if I might never meet her.

I started to think of just putting away any signs of Mali or even thinking of baby stuff until we actually get our LOA. I even told my mom that I was going to do this and to stop planning the baby shower for now because I was in a really bad place and was just not comfortable with moving forward any more. I would hate to have the shower all planned and then find out the day before, that we were denied to adopt Mali. My poor mom, she really takes the brunt of all of my venting and stays so calm and supportive in spite of my irrationality at times. I truly appreciate that. So, once I got off the phone with my mom, cried for a while, and drove home...I walked through the door and saw Mali's pictures we have posted on our refrigerator. It hit me then. No matter what happens, or any other heart ache we go through...I already feel like her mom. Even if I never meet her and Shawn and I are just not meant to have children, I think I will always feel like Mali's mom.

I can't believe I feel like that already and some days it would just be easier to be able to shut off my attachment to her so that I wouldn't worry so much. But I can't and that's just the way it is. This waiting is even more difficult now than it was before we got her referral. I mean, sometimes I sit and wonder if she is awake, if she is sleeping, if her diaper is dirty, if she is smiling, if she is crying, if she is hungry, if she is standing or walking, if she has said her first words yet or if she learned anything new today, if she just got a bath, if she is being treated well, if she is being hugged and loved. So many questions, and very very very few answers. Living with this uncertainty is tough, but my hope is that it is just toughening both of us up for parenthood. Some day, I really hope it will all make sense.

How cool is this??

Shawn looked up the UPS tracking of her care package (I know, I'm easily amazed :) I just wanted to share that I think it's cool to know her little package is in a truck right now, bumping down a road somewhere halfway around the world, and she'll probably have that bear in her arms soon!

Check out the details below :)


Tracking Detail


Tracking Number: 1Z 045 1W8 04 3254 707 3
Type: Package
Status: In Transit
Rescheduled Delivery: 03/02/2009
Shipped To: GUANGDONG, XUWEN, CN
Shipped/Billed On: 02/23/2009
Service: UPS SAVER
Weight: 11.30 Lbs

Package Progress
Location Date Local Time Description

GUANGZHOU, CN 02/26/2009 12:24 A.M. IN-TRANSIT SCAN

GUANGZHOU, CN 02/25/2009 10:00 P.M. IMPORT SCAN
02/25/2009 2:16 P.M. ARRIVAL SCAN

ANCHORAGE, AK, US 02/24/2009 10:13 A.M. DEPARTURE SCAN
02/24/2009 10:13 A.M. DEPARTURE SCAN
02/24/2009 6:42 A.M. ARRIVAL SCAN
02/24/2009 6:42 A.M. ARRIVAL SCAN

LOUISVILLE, KY, US 02/24/2009 5:10 A.M. DEPARTURE SCAN
02/24/2009 4:06 A.M. DEPARTURE SCAN
02/24/2009 1:21 A.M. ARRIVAL SCAN

OBETZ, OH, US 02/23/2009 9:16 P.M. DEPARTURE SCAN
02/23/2009 8:55 P.M. ORIGIN SCAN

US 02/23/2009 6:15 P.M. BILLING INFORMATION RECEIVED


Tracking results provided by UPS: 02/25/2009 8:54 P.M. ET

Bon Voyage Care Package!

Shawn took the package into UPS this morning. It supposedly was picked up and officially started on its journey at 6pm tonight. When we were trying to print off an airbill for FedEx, we found that they don't even go to Guangdong (which is where Mali's orphanage is) - can you believe it? We were pretty surprised. But thank God for UPS!!

It was somewhat expensive to ship but I would have paid any amount of money to get it to her. Mali should have it by Friday (a whole week before her birthday), yay!!! Plus it gives it a little extra time, in case it gets stuck in customs for whatever reason. Hopefully customs won't pull it too much apart if they do need to open it. And do you want to hear something a little silly? I actually felt bad stuffing her poor bear in that box - he just looked so squished. Goofy, right? I know, I know. Shawn and I both have a soft spot for inanimate objects for some reason :)

Anyway, I really hope her caregivers are able to understand everything we sent and will use the camera for updates. She must be really growing and I am getting "itchy" to get some more pictures of our little angel :)

First of many gifts...the care package.

We are planning on sending her care package to her tomorrow via Fed Ex. I'm not sure how long it will take to get to her, but seeing as how her 1st birthday is 3/6/09, wouldn't it be great if she got it on her actual birthday? We can hope.

I wanted to share with everyone what we are including for her. There are a total of three bags; one for the orphanage workers, one for the other children in the orphanage, and one for Maliana.

First Package: This is a letter we are including for the orphanage workers to explain the three packages, as well as candy and a disposable camera.














Second Package: Clothes and some supplies for the children of the orphanage (including Mali). We got all different sizes of sleepers, onesies, and pants to help with the various ages.

















Third (and Mali's) Package: This is the photo album to help Mali get used to our faces. And to ready her for her two furry siblings too :)













This is the blanket that we have been cuddling with for the last few weeks. And OF COURSE her first Notre Dame gear, duh! We've actually had this outfit for her for the last couple years, and by the time we get to her, she may have outgrown it. At least if we send it now, it might still fit! We'll have to work on her Browns gear once we get her home, right Grandpa? :)

















This is a birthday card we decided to include, last minute.

The story behind it is that Shawn has befriended Annie and Billy Lee (of Billy Lee's Cuisine off of Broad Street - a wonderful Chinese restaurant by the way!) Anyway, they have been so excited for us over the last year or so and have gotten really involved in cheering us on with this adoption. So, upon hearing of our care package, Annie offered to write a message of our choosing in a card for Mali. She said it could help go a long way with the orphanage workers that are caring for Mali. So, basically, we wrote out our message which was "We are excited to meet you and love you already. Hugs and Kisses from Mommy and Daddy." Shawn took it in and Annie and Billy and many of their staff at the restaurant all put their heads together on the translation and were gracious enough to write in the card for us. The translation in Chinese is not exact, so this is what they were able to come up with in Chinese characters "We cannot wait to see you. We wish you come to America faster and to see each other and live together. The person who love you Daddy, Mommy." Not exact, but definitely gets our sentiment across and we are so grateful to Annie and Billy and their crew for helping us. I am sure we will be bringing Mali in for dinners at their restaurant for years to come! Oh, and the little red envelope next to the card has 5 crisp clean $1 bills in it as Annie insisted that "Chinese babies love to play with American money!" and included it for us. I guess we'll have to take her word for it - couldn't hurt, right? :)

And finally, Shawn and I went to Build a Bear at Easton and recorded a message for Mali. This way she can hear and get used to our voices too.


When we were finishing up the bear, they make you pick out a heart for it before they put the stuffing in, and go through all of these things like kissing the heart, rubbing it on your head (so the bear will be smart), hugging it, rubbing it on your belly (so the bear will never be hungry), and making a wish before they put it in your bear. I saw some kids ahead of us doing this and figured it was something special they just do with kids. But when we got up to the front of the line, they made us both do it too (our bear has two hearts, one from Shawn and one from me). Of course, I got all teared up. This whole process is so emotional for me. But I wouldn't have it any other way :)

So now, we are going to head to Fed Ex tomorrow and get her care package shipped off. I just wish we could Fed Ex ourselves over there with it. But, since we can't be there to celebrate her first year on this Earth, at least a part of us will be. We are having all the grandparents over for dinner and a celebration for her birthday, March 6th. We are planning to order Chinese food for dinner and Shawn and I are going to pick up some traditional birthday/celebration cakes and treats from the local Asian market. It should be fun and at least we can all celebrate with her in spirit.